Current mood:

calm

A state of Grace.
These were the words I thought about as I walked onto the train station today. That from about 1 pm yesterday I have been in a very content place. I use the term, maybe as a reference to the doctor, but it is true.

I know what has caused it for the most part, I think I know any rate. Over the last 2 weeks in between public holidays I have been working on a project at work. I have gotten it as far as I can go. I have worked long and hard on the project and overcoming its every pitfall. However just before one yesterday, my Boss came to talk with my about the project, and we both agreed to write it up as a successful failure, which means I will still get my quarterly bonus.

But more it was the act of giving up, having someone say to me that I had done enough, that has I think caused me to feel much better about myself. Giving up without being defeated.

I am quite good at figuring things out. At times over the last few months, I have not worked to exercise it that much, and when I hit the road block in this project, I was strangely thrilled. I had a challenge, something to work on. But I also have a tendency to lose focus when concentrating on one thing, and having being pulled out of it, has also helped. My senses are a little keener, I am more open an accepting to my senses and that has placated my mind completely.

Instead of asking questions over the last day, I am now making statements. I know the course because I can think it through again. Although it does come off smug.

Of cause this state of grace may well flutter and die tonight on the new year. Any frustration or anger, will melt it away from the inside. Public transport has been trying for the last 2 train trips and will most probably give it another go tonight.

But for now I am calm, and content, something I have rarely been in the last 12 - 18 months, maybe more.